[she's so embarrassed, it almost hurts a little. the ninth is made of iron. this sort of behavior gets dirt kicked in your face - she learned a long time ago crying makes it worse.
but she's not pulling away, because this is something she wants, even if it's hard to let herself be vulnerable at all.]
If they have anything to do with sacrificial horseshit I'm not agreeing to stone cold dick. [she warns, like a hypocrite. she sniffs. and he wipes her tears, and she just. her shoulders come down from her ears.]
You've already made yourself quite clear on that point, rest assured.
[pour one out for gideon's facepaint because by now it's probably a hideous "distraught girl in the nightclub bathroom" mess by now]
First. At least once, before we escape this place, try and see what it feels like to live for yourself. You needn't embrace it, accept it, or even like it. But allow yourself to try it.
[yeah, it really is, she's just given up on trying to fix it because it's a fucking mess. this but not angry. and it'll be even worse by the end of this because he's really just driving a nail into the squishy, sad part of her.]
... Okay. [she says, and it's maybe a little dubious, but. she can try.]
Second. If somehow you do make it out and I don't —
[His finger comes up in a very pointed shush before he's even done interrupting himself, knowing full well the protest that's coming and determined to beat it to the figurative punch.]
— and you should somehow chance to find your way to the star from whence I came, find Tataru Taru and tell her what happened to me. Ask her to help you tell Ryne. She'll understand.
what he says combined with how he ruffles her hair makes another horrible and mortifying rush of tears drip down her face, further fucking up her face paint. she feels ten years old and stupid, leaning a little into the hand.
it takes her a second to reply, even, trying to make sure her voice won't crack, and it does anyway, despite her efforts.]
Everything looks good with my shades. [warbles...] If I go before you, you can take them.
You'd better not. But fair's fair; if it were to happen —
[Unthinkable. Abhorrent. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It can't happen, it cannot happen.
But she likely thought the exact same thing, a minute ago, and if he'd had the right to shush her about it, then he's got to accept the burden of considering it now that it's his turn.]
— I'll take them. ...And look better in them than you.
Like hell you will. [she protests, huffing at him.] I'm adding one more thing to my conditions. You've got to pinky promise me you'll take care of Harrow, if that happens. Bones and all.
You too, eh? Good. She can stand a little annoyance and grief.
[Hmmmm. He reflects a long moment, before returning his hands to his lap and idly toying with the extremely stupid stuffed animal he's still got perched there.]
she watches him mess around with the animal for a moment, and then leans back a bit so she can pull a cloth out of her pocket. she just goes ahead and scrubs the face paint off.]
Good. [she says, voice a touch soft.] I meant it when I said I wasn't going to let you sulk.
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[And the next time her tears threaten to spill over, his thumb gets there first.]
In its place, I'll give you something else. Three promises you can keep to me. Three ways you can be of use.
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but she's not pulling away, because this is something she wants, even if it's hard to let herself be vulnerable at all.]
If they have anything to do with sacrificial horseshit I'm not agreeing to stone cold dick. [she warns, like a hypocrite. she sniffs. and he wipes her tears, and she just. her shoulders come down from her ears.]
But I'll hear you out.
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[pour one out for gideon's facepaint because by now it's probably a hideous "distraught girl in the nightclub bathroom" mess by now]
First. At least once, before we escape this place, try and see what it feels like to live for yourself. You needn't embrace it, accept it, or even like it. But allow yourself to try it.
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... Okay. [she says, and it's maybe a little dubious, but. she can try.]
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[His finger comes up in a very pointed shush before he's even done interrupting himself, knowing full well the protest that's coming and determined to beat it to the figurative punch.]
— and you should somehow chance to find your way to the star from whence I came, find Tataru Taru and tell her what happened to me. Ask her to help you tell Ryne. She'll understand.
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she nods, because... that's reasonable. she doesn't want it to happen, but it's reasonable. and she can do it. she will.]
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[His hand moves one last time, this time sliding up to ruffle her hair.]
If I do predecease you, take my coat. It'll look good with your shades.
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what he says combined with how he ruffles her hair makes another horrible and mortifying rush of tears drip down her face, further fucking up her face paint. she feels ten years old and stupid, leaning a little into the hand.
it takes her a second to reply, even, trying to make sure her voice won't crack, and it does anyway, despite her efforts.]
Everything looks good with my shades. [warbles...] If I go before you, you can take them.
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[Unthinkable. Abhorrent. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It can't happen, it cannot happen.
But she likely thought the exact same thing, a minute ago, and if he'd had the right to shush her about it, then he's got to accept the burden of considering it now that it's his turn.]
— I'll take them. ...And look better in them than you.
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Like hell you will. [she protests, huffing at him.] I'm adding one more thing to my conditions. You've got to pinky promise me you'll take care of Harrow, if that happens. Bones and all.
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[...]
Mayhap especially if she refused to allow it.
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[... she just flops back to sit on the ground.]
Stupid.
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[Hmmmm. He reflects a long moment, before returning his hands to his lap and idly toying with the extremely stupid stuffed animal he's still got perched there.]
...This helped, you know. For what it's worth.
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she watches him mess around with the animal for a moment, and then leans back a bit so she can pull a cloth out of her pocket. she just goes ahead and scrubs the face paint off.]
Good. [she says, voice a touch soft.] I meant it when I said I wasn't going to let you sulk.